Dear White America

As I scrolled through Facebook yesterday and today, I noticed that summer is in full swing and by the looks of it everyone is enjoying theirs. Strawberry picking, ice cream outings, swimming at the lake and gorgeous family photos have flooded my news feed. It looks like allot of fun, but I need your attention for just a moment. Please.

I know you all saw the hashtags #AltonSterling and #BlackLivesMatter at least once yesterday. You probably also watched the video of the Alton Sterling shooting at least once as well. You maybe saw the press release video, where Alton Sterling's 15 year old son breaks down weeping for his dad. How many of you saw the black community though? I mean really saw.

The black community is hurting. So I need us to pause our summertime fun, and sympathize. Because in our white privileged world we get to wake up to news feeds filled with sunshine and strawberries, while black people are waking up to news feeds filled with shots and screams. On their feeds the same videos are shared, played and repeated, over and over and over, until the tears are pouring with every shot fired. In response there are posts of anger, rally's to raise their children well, arguments rising out of peer distress, cries for peace and mourning, so much mourning. Black people are trying to make sense of what is going on in their communities, trying to stop patterns that are threatening to repeat simply by the hand society has dealt them, trying to remain strong and uplifted despite how the media portrays them.

A group of people are trying to break social norms, but we are neither looking nor listening. Therefore, I am begging you to do two things for me. One, do not take everything the media throws at you to be the truth. Do your research for yourself, in humility, and without cultural imperialism. Secondly, take on a compassionate outlook, and come along side your brothers and sisters. Set aside your sunshine and strawberries, listen to the shots and screams, so that you may understand why the black community is mourning. Why we should all be mourning.

The Rampage of Fear

From the true onset of time, despicable acts of injustice have run rampant in our world. Never has there been a point in history of complete and utter peace. And there never will be, until time is stilled. Today I am not on here to wallow in the tragedies that continue to befall our world, or to state a political opinion on what our countries reaction should be, nor am I on here to speak to all people. I am here to confront the church.

I am not disheartened, but I am disappointed. Since age 12 I have had a heart for missions, and have gotten many opportunities to experience, learn, and figure out the direction God has called me to serve him. I have been supported, inspired, and kept on task, mainly because of the church. Now I do not want to discredited those whom I still look up too and experience encouragement from (because there are countless and I am beyond blessed), but there are many of us who have forgotten whom we serve.

Over the past few weeks, I have seen far to much fear. This is what truly worries me, not what has or hasn't happened, or what will or won't happen, but the fear that is running so forcefully through our church body. Brothers and sisters, we must not forget whom we serve! We do not serve a God who cares about America more than any other country. We do not serve a God who loves you more than any other person in this world. Nor do we serve a God who chooses sides. No, we as the church, we serve a God who created this world, every country in it, and every person born into each of those countries. So who are we to say we will serve some and not others? Who are we to say who is worthy of His gospel and who is not? Who are we to say that our life matters more than another? That is not up to our judgement, it is simply up to God's.

Our job as the church is to serve God with complete abandon. That means in spite of fear, we serve. In spite of what may happen, we serve. In spite of the fact that we may not be thanked, we serve. As the church we are not called to figure out the best way to make ourselves happy and "blessed." We are called to use the gifts and abilities we've been given to serve and promote the gospel in every setting we find ourselves. No matter what. My prayer today, is for the church, that our eyes will be opened to the fear and selfishness we are letting control our actions.

1 Corinthians 4:1-5 
"Let a man regard us in this manner, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. In this case, moreover, it is required of stewards that one be found trustworthy. But to me it is a very small thing that I may be examined by you, or by any human court; in fact, I do not even examine myself. For I am conscious of nothing against myself, yet I am not by this acquitted; but the one who examines me is the Lord. Therefore do not go on passing judgement before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men's hearts; and then each man's praise will come to him from God."

Taking A Bow

The internet. Such a powerful force. Used for both good and bad, like most everything else in this world. It has become an increasingly popular platform to boldly speak our thoughts and opinions. Every time I log on I am bombarded by videos, articles, pictures, and blog posts; each shouting their own opinions. Because of the mass quantity, these voices simply float away into the sea of varying opinions.  Some are more interesting than others. Some I agree with, some I don't. But none of them have radically changed my life.

This knowledge caused me to take a second look at my own posts. I have enjoyed voicing my thoughts for the past three years here on this blog, but I'm afraid each post eventually leaves the mind of the reader as they scroll to the next big idea. I want to make a difference in this world, and I don't believe that will start by the things I've written hiding behind a computer screen, in competition with a thousand others. I do believe that it will start with actions and words, coming personally from my own mouth and heart. 

S this is me saying thank you to those who kept reading despite my questionable grammar. For the encouraging responses. For the questions. For the challenges. And more importantly for loyally listening to my one opinion among one million. I will still voice my thoughts and opinions, but hopefully in a more impacting way.

I will now take a bow and kiss my internet voice goodbye.

-Laura Jane

Hope Against Hope

I, like every other person in this world, get hit with the obstacles of life. These obstacles bring on disappointments, setbacks, defeat, sorrow, or simply put, a loss of hope. Whether we like it or not, hope is what we as human beings rely on to survive. Whatever the hopes, they motivate performance, produce love, drive change, provide encouragement, and supply life. Hope is a beautiful thing.

Yet sadly, hope is something we tend to lose. The element of hope is shaky, because the things we hope in are unpredictable. When I was six, our family would go to the small local zoo quite frequently. I'd briefly pet the llamas, wave to the bears, and laugh at the monkeys, but when we got to the reptile exhibit all my motion quickly halted. For there before my eyes was a most majestic creature. The iguana. Unlike all the other animals he did nothing but sit on a branch basking under the glow of his heating lamp. I loved him though; with his quiet ways and long green tail. Week after week he was the reason I went back. One sunny visit I had just completed my rounds. Said hello to the polar bear playing with the red beach ball, greeted the dancing seals with an energetic applause, and was headed into the reptile house to visit my most mysterious friend of all. When my eyes had adjusted to the dim light though, my happiness suddenly seemed to match the dimness of the room. There was the snake still slowly slithering his tongue in and out of his mouth, and of course the lizards were still darting here and there with every movement they saw, but on the branch where the king of the exhibit used to lay, now rested a sign. A sign that caused me to lose all hope for our little zoo. My iguana had died along with my hope and love for the zoo. 

More often than not, this is how we live. On highs and lows. One minute we are soaring on a hope and the next we are scrambling to find another. It's a devastating and exhausting cycle. Yet it’s one we are all guilty of repeating. The nonsensical part to the whole thing, is that we each have the choice to end the cycle. There is one thing that has never changed and never will. God. There is only one person whose promises we can trust. God's. There is only one person who truly has our best interests at heart. God. Way too often though we fall back on our foolish temporary hopes, thinking that maybe this time they will hold us up. 

There was once a man named Abraham, who worked hard to honor God and have complete faith in Him. God saw this and promised to make Abraham's name great, by making him the forefather of many nations. By the time Abraham and Sarah (his wife) were at retirement age they still had no children. As all of us know, if you can't have children before you hit retirement, you're probably not going to have them after. Nevertheless, hope against hope, Abraham kept respect for God's promise and despite he and his wife's age, they had a son. 

Life's rough and nobody is going to escape the pain of it. But we can escape complete hopelessness if we put our hope in the only One who is stable and unchangeable. 

Romans 4:18-25

In hope against hope he believed, so that he might become a father of many nations according to that which had been spoken, "So shall your descendants be." Without becoming weak in faith he contemplated his own body, now as good as dead since he was about a hundred years old, and the deadness of Sarah's womb; yet, with respect to the promise of God, he did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able also to perform. There it was also credited to him as righteousness. Now not for his sake only was it written that it was credited to him, but for our sake also, to whom it will be credited, as those who believe in Him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead, He who was delivered over because of our transgressions, and was raised because of our justification. 

Tragic Blindness

I come to you today with an issue that has been near and dear to my heart for awhile now. This issue of hatred seems to be a sensitive one in our society today. One that shouldn't be a problem, but sadly is. I've avoided writing about the subject simply because it's a hard one to comment on in our politically correct era. This topic that I wish to share about today is racism.

I grew up in a small town in northern Minnesota, that was mainly inhabited by Scandinavians. Although I was living in an essentially exclusive culture, we were raised with all sorts of diversity. My parents did not let us grow up naive like many others in our community. We learned about different people groups from all over the world. Learning meant trying their foods, discovering their religious beliefs, their history, their traditions, and never was it looked at as strange. It was merely normal. For the younger years of my life, the fact that some people are prejudice against differences never crossed my mind. In my world it was as simple as the fact that although the water in my bath and the ice cubes in my coke seemed different, they were the same substance. I grew up believing that there are differences and commonalities between every person, and those things aren't wrong or strange, they just are.

As we entered our reading years, my mom started introducing us to the cold existence of racism. I will never forget the first book I read about racism. I was about eight years old, and my world revolved around the American girl dolls and their stories. Each doll had a chapter book that told her story and the events unfolding in history during her time. I never got the dolls, but I was able to go to the library and borrow the books. After reading roughly thirty different stories only one is burned into my mind forever. Written in first person, the book was about an adolescent slave girl named Addie. My world became shaken; I couldn't believe that one human being could be so cruel to another human being. And to a little girl no less. My sleeping eyes were suddenly awakened by the glaring light. A light I couldn't turn off.

From then, all the way through high school, I read book after book. I started with our countries history with racism, then spread out across the globe, over years and years of generations and past events. This was an issue in the past that spanned through and touched thousands of lives and countries. I read novels, biographies, and history books, along with quite a few disheartening films. I was not blind to the injustices of our past. Then came the second most influential moment in my life related to this issue of discrimination.

During my teen years, my family did foster care, and every other weekend we had a set of African American two-year-old twin boys who came to stay with us. On one particular Saturday afternoon they seemed to have an extra bit of energy; consequently, we struggled to get shoes, jackets, and hats on but, finally we were prepared for the park. When we arrived, there were already two white mothers there with their children playing. We set the boys free, and the park became filled with laughter and little toddler introductions. Not even five minutes later the mothers looked up from their all-consuming conversation on the park bench and seemed to have a mini heart-attack. Quickly they jumped up and scrambled to gather their purses and children. Glaring at us, they hurried their protesting youngsters off to the minivans sitting in the parking lot.

The look of anger in my mother's eyes made the realization of what had just happened hit me hard. I had just witnessed first hand one human being treating another with utter disrespect for absolutely no reason. My next mission had just been brought to my attention. I needed to know how prevalent racism was in modern day America. Determined, I set to work. The results of my research were heartbreaking and maddening.

About five years after all of these revelations unfolded, I moved to the great ATL. Everything that I had read and learned about in my quiet little town, I was now living in and witnessing firsthand. The diversity in styles, beliefs, cultures, and races had me over the moon. Before moving to Atlanta, I had the opportunity to travel a lot, to experience bits and pieces of diversity. But, to be able to live in it full time was a freeing feeling. You'll quickly realize that when you live in a diverse area not only do you experience the greatness of it but, you also experience the heartbreak of it. As a white female many say that I don't personally experience the cruelty of racism, I'd beg to differ though.

The people that I care about, I care about because of who they are not because of the differences or commonalities between us. I love all these people dearly, and when anyone one of them gets hit hard in this battle of racism, it hits me hard too. When stereotypes get forced upon them, labeling them as something they're not, my anger starts to boil. When a child I babysit comes home crying because of something said in the lunch room, the tears run down my face as well. When I can walk around with no fear of the assumptions and corruption going on in our cities, but the person I'm walking with can't, I ache for justice and equality. I may not be the one getting the brunt of the injustices, but I do feel it very personally.

There are many different reasons why racism is still a looming problem in our country, but I'd like to take a moment to state one of the biggest. Here in America there is a majority, and there is a minority, and those of us who are in the majority have done a thing far worse than the vocal racists. I was waiting at the train station a few weekends ago when a young white man came and sat next to me. Our conversation took the typical route for first-time introductions. Two or three questions in he asked me where I was from. I stated that I was from Atlanta, GA and his eyes got really big. Lowering his voice, he leaned in a little closer and asked me if I was one of the only white people living down there. That right there is our problem, ignorance.

The majority of people know racism exists, but people also enjoy comfort zones and hate conviction. We'd rather hear the rescue stories of the poor puppies at the animal shelter; than the stories that reveal the corruption that is creeping around in our cities. I could sit here giving you statistic after statistic, story after story, reason after reason, just to convince and inform you of the extent of the epidemic. I'm not going to though because you have to want the information; you have to have a heart for the issue presently at hand. I'm not going to treat this problem how we treat every other problem in America. This isn't about animal cruelty, environmental friendliness, or the chemicals in our food. No, this is about HUMANS. Human rights. Human love. Human compassion. Human equality. If you're not going to have any compassion towards the relevance of racism without the statistics, graphs, and emotional videos neatly placed in front of you then you may be more racist than you think. I don't want to sit here and judge people, but I do want to encourage people to step outside the scope of their knowledge and explore. If you realize that yes, there is a serious issue at hand go, study the statistics, soak up the history, listen to the stories, allow your eyes to open so that a change may begin.

Ignorance is a dangerous source of injustice. Those who are openly racist rely on you not wanting to know the facts so that they can continue on in their exploitation. If nobody cares to know about what is going on in our backyards, then it's going to keep happening. I don't want that, and I'm getting tired of hearing uninformed and offensive questions. Let's come out from underneath our warm, comfortable blankets and face reality. There are generations coming up after us, and they are going to be watching. What do you want them to see?

Rethink

Our American culture adores drama and fights.

We cause trauma for others when we spit out uniformed opinions in spite.

All respect for humanity is lost in the heat of self conviction.

Why do we ignore the cost of taking pride in this friction?

We let our first world problems slide in-front of the worst injustices of all.

My news-feed is submersed in complaints and pointless rants.

That's not what we need, our priorities are full of tangled up knots.

So I plead with you, untangle those thoughts and connect the dots.

Look in the mirror and see how you really appear to the world around you.

Then take your conviction and use it to prevent real life affliction.

  

Expectation Vs Reality

In today's society the one thing we worship more than anything else is ourselves. Everything around us is based on what will make us happy. The ads you hear, the tv shows you watch, the music you listen to, it's all set on a platform of what will make us feel great. Everything that gets streamed into our lives screams a message that says if you don't feel good than you can and must do anything and everything that will make you feel happy again. This message looks like one of those fancy toys you used to drool over as a kid. Nothing could possibly be more fun or exciting than this toy. After much begging and a hundred pretty pleases the toy is finally yours. The brand new packaging is ripped off and that is when reality hits. Batteries not included. All expectations of what was in the package are crushed. You are once again at square one, unhappy and searching for the next best thing. 

Sadly this is how a majority of relationships work today. More often than not they end up being about one person yet the definition for relationship is: ' the way in which two or more people relate and connect, or the state of being connected.' That is what the word is supposed to mean yet in our culture today the definition looks more like this: ' the way in which one person uses another to try and make themselves feel complete.'  Over and over this destructive pattern continues. With each break up a seed of bitterness is planted and the expectation for what a relationship should be like rises.

Many couples will begin to see the flaws in their partner of a few months and the panic begins to set in. As expectations of who you thought that person was start to topple over so does the relationship. It starts with the little things. You thought for sure that they would always kiss you goodnight, than one night they don't. You thought that they loved the outdoors, but apparently they just said that to get you to like them. You expected an endless amount of patience from them, but for some odd reason they just got frustrated with you. You thought you were a perfect fit, yet it seems you don't agree on everything. With each broken expectation the relationship deteriorates until you are left wondering what happened and why this whole love relationship thing never seems to work out for you. 

Just as the child expects the brand new toy to work a certain way, we expect our relationships to work a certain way. For the 5 minute walk from the register to the car the child is in utter bliss. They have the thing that they have been coveting for oh so long. Before they are even buckled up the packaging is strewn across the backseat, and next thing you know the tears of utter disappointment start flowing. Frantically you pick up the pieces of packaging and try to read the torn up words that state that the toy needs eight AAA batteries that are not included with the toy.  Try consoling the pain of a child's broken expectations and you'll quickly realize it doesn't work out well at all. 

We are more like this child than we think though. Way to often we get caught up in the infatuation of a person. We like what we see, and jump right in. Before we have even had a chance to read the fine print of the package we've ripped it off and are sorely disappointed. We thought that this person had similar hobbies, we thought that this person would change for us, we thought that this person would make us complete. We blame all of our broken expectations on this person, we pretend that we never could have known who they really were, and than we simply give up on them.

If we rewound the scene of the screaming child all the way back to them staring at that lovely item in the toy aisle we could change the whole ending. The begging and coveting begins yet, a moment is taken to examine the toy. What does it need to function? Is it a piece of crap in a fancy box? Is it a rip off? Once these questions are answered a whole decision can than be made. When you get to the car now and the package is ripped off there are no surprises that will send the child into a fit of emotional chaos. 

That is how it should be when it comes to relationships as well. As the butterflies flit around in our stomachs and the eye contact becomes more frequent, we have to be able to lay aside the heat of the moment and look at the fine print. We all have expectations for what we want when it comes to relationships. These expectations are one of those things that can be really terrible or really great. Going into any relationship my eyes are wide open. I am going to take the time to read the fine print on the package before I ever dare opening it. I want to know who I am dealing with before I ever start a relationship with them. 

The first thing that I always try and figure out is common interests. I know it is said time and time again that opposites attract, but that only seems to work in select cases. I want to be with someone who thinks similarly to me. Someone who enjoys doing the same things that I do. Someone who has similar ambitions and goals that can relate to mine. Clearly we are not going to have share everything in common, but as long as there is a basic foundation of commonality that is what I am looking for. 

One of the most important things that I find needs to be observed is how they are by themselves. If a guy tells me that they can't live without me or that I am their better half, do not be surprised when I bail. When I am watching a guy that I am considering, I look out for some major red flags. The first one I look for is in conversations, when our likes and dislikes come up. If a guy is constantly agreeing with me on every little interest of mine it is blatantly clear that he is simply trying to impress me. I only want you if you are willing to be honest with me whether we like the same things or not. 

My next big warning sign that I listen out for is when an opinion comes up. If I see him constantly agreeing with others thoughts or simply not saying anything for fear of offending somebody, I run. I would rather see him defending and backing up his opinions, than tip toeing around those of others. It shows me that they are confident, strong individuals. They know who they are, what they believe in, and that they won't let others walk all over them.

My final red flag that I am looking out for in this category is their relationship history. I look and see how many people this person has dated, for how long did they date these people, how much time did they spend between each person, and currently do they seem to be desperately searching for a new relationship. The fewer amount of relationships the better, that tells me that they are loyal. The amount of time spent in each relationship tells me how committed they are. Lastly the amount of time that they spent between each person tells me how ok they are with being by themselves. 

The biggest thing that I watch out for though when I'm observing somebody is how performance based they are. This happens way to often. If you look it is probably the number one problem in most peoples relationships. This is a slippery slope, because everything is based off of selfish motives. The biggest thing for us all to realize is that we cannot say or do anything that will make somebody else feel or act a certain way and vice versa. A guy might bring a girl some flowers, because he see's she is having a bad day. Now if he is just simply bringing her flowers because he sees she is having a bad day and he cares about her that is great. On the other hand he could be bringing her flowers, because when she is having a bad day she is quicker to snap at him, which doesn't make him feel very good. Do you see what just happened? He did something to hopefully make her feel better so that in turn he can feel better. Later on she may still be having a rough day and when she snaps on him an argument will quickly arise. He'll say something like 'I brought you flowers today why are you mad at me?!' As you can easily see it is all done out of selfish motives. 

When I am observing a persons character, actions, and thoughts I am constantly scanning for this mentality. I look for the telltale signs. One of the main things that will tell you how performance based a person is, is how greatly they get sucked into their peers drama and emotions. If the person is constantly matching the feelings of those around them they are performance based. It's the classic peer pressure situation. 

Do they have a tit for tat mentality? This way of thinking is littered with expectations that are exhausting for both people. They will do something thoughtful for you and than expect that you do something for them in return. If you do something that hurts them they then expect you to make it up to them somehow. When an argument starts a long list of things that you did wrong gets pulled out. No matter what you do or say this person will never be happy with your performance, because sadly you're a human being that makes mistakes.

What you are looking for is somebody whose opinion about you is not based on your attitude, mood, thoughts, or actions. Someone who is not performance based is extremely loyal, caring, and selfless. And it is all because, no matter what you do it doesn't affect who they are. If you are having a rough day they may be sympathetic towards you because, they care about you but, it doesn't mean that they are all of a sudden going to have a bad day too. If you do something that hurts them they are quick to forgive and won't expect you to make it up to them, whether you chose to or not the expectation is not there. It creates a safe place for both people. There is no fear of messing up or not doing the right thing because, you know that no matter what that person still loves you.

This is how I read the fine print before jumping into something I may regret later. Clearly there are exceptions to some of these things but, in general this is what I think makes a relationship a healthy and lasting one. Some things you won't find out until you are in a relationship with a person and people do change, but way to many of us rush into things blindly without a seconds thought. Relationships are something that can't run on five easy steps or in one particular way. But when we take ourselves, our needs and our wants, out of the picture it creates a freedom that many people in relationships don't get to experience. A freedom that I sincerely wish more people could experience.