Forgiveness. This is one intricate word that I have been trying to wrap my brain around for quite some time. Growing up I was told to forgive and forget. For most of my life I thought that I was a terrible person for not being able to forget some of the terrible deeds people had done to me. In turn I would feel guilty because, I could never master the act of forgiving.
It was actually this past year, after a roller coaster ride of events that I learned the true definition of forgiveness. I learned it as I was going to see a new councilor after moving down here to Georgia. I wasn't to thrilled to be going because, I personally don't genuinely like councilors. This one though knew exactly what she was doing. After spilling my angry and frustrated guts one day, I asked her how I was ever supposed to forgive the people that hurt me if I could never forget what they did to me.
She asked me one question. "Why do you think that you have to forget?" It had never once in my entire life crossed my mind that I would not have to forget. This was a revolutionary thought. She than went on to say that forgiving people means that we don't expect them to do anything for us. We don't expect them to apologize. We don't expect them to "make it up" in any way. We just let them and their problems go. This also means that we have to let go of the hurt and pain that they caused. Which is not something that just miraculously happens over night. It takes time and forgiving that person again and again. I asked her if I would ever be able to think about what people had done to me without my heart feeling like it was going to suffocate. She told me that yes someday I would be able to look back on my wound with no pain. As long as I truly am letting go of what that person/people did to wrong me. (This is one of the hardest things to do. It is possible though)
What does all this forgiveness stuff have to do with speaking boldly though? We all want/need acceptance. One thing that I have done plenty of, is stuff all my emotions and the things that people did to create those emotions down inside of me. Why? So that I could have a relationship with the people that hurt me. I love these people and I wanted acceptance from these people. I just hid myself so that these people would love and accept me back. It was than that I realized I wasn't happy with myself and my grudge against these people was growing. It was then that it hit me, part of forgiving them was to move past their little world. And part of moving past their little world was telling them why I was moving on.
It is not at all fair to a person when you just drop them right out of your life. There are still ex-friends of mine that I have no idea why we are not friends anymore. Part of it was probably because, they were to afraid to tell me why they didn't want to be my friend. Speaking up against or to people who have belittled us and swept us under the rug is one of the hardest things we will ever have to do. But it is forgiveness. Saying, I forgive you, but I don't agree with you because of x y and z, is freeing, not only to yourself but to the person/people you are talking to. That way they know either why you are not going to talk to them anymore or what you stand for and what you are going to continue to stand for even if they don't like it.
Lets quickly jump back to the story of Peter. We find him having a very bad night of fishing a few days after his friend Jesus had died. In the dawn light, as Peter and his friends are drawing nearer to the shore, a man on the beach yells to them to put their fishing nets on the other side of the boat because that's where all the fish are. Now I fish and if we haven't caught anything after a couple of hours it's pretty much just a sign that we probably aren't going to be catching anything for the rest of the day. But Peter and his friends have been out all night and have caught nothing at all; all I can figure is that they must have been so lost in their grief they just had nothing better to do. Next thing you know they threw their nets out of their boat on the opposite side. Well it didn't take very long before their net was so heavy with fish they were struggling to bring it into the boat. There is a moment while they are all there trying to haul this monster catch into the boat when Peter's friend John mutters, "It's the Lord!" Upon hearing this Peter jumps into the sea and swims to shore.
Upon making it to the beach he realizes that Jesus had in fact risen from the dead. Peter and Jesus eat breakfast together and while they are doing this Jesus asks Peter three times over, "Do you love me?" Each time Peter feels guilty and upset as he says, "Yes of course I do." Finally Jesus smiles and said, "Tend to my people." In this instant Peter knows he is forgiven. He knows he is trusted again. And he knows he is accepted. For Jesus to ask Peter this could not have been easy. To tell somebody that you forgive them after they have denied you three times over takes a ton of boldness and courage.
Oh and for the record the phrase forgive and forget only applies to God.
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