Quetico Thoughts 4

* The next few blogs posts were written while I was in Quetico (a protected wilderness area in Canada). These are the thoughts and observations I made while there with my two brothers and dad. 

This is our last night here in Quetico. Thoughts and words that have been buzzing around in my head all week now elude me. After a week full of highly unexpected trials and triumphs, an unusual peace engulfs my mind and soul. Looking back it seems like I've been here for a month instead of just one week. In the time span of one little week I've experienced a broad spectrum of emotions from frustration and grief to joy and amazement. Limits were stretched, patience was tested, and buttons were pushed. Yet through all of it, who we are as individuals was solidified. Sometimes the real world with its constant and rapid moments is overwhelming. Taking a break from people, schedules, and the basic rhythm of life is quite essential at times. As you step outside of the bubble you call your life, things can become strikingly clear. This week my mind has roamed and sorted through many thoughts, issues, and ideas. Finally, after a week with many many hours spent with thoughts jumping and bouncing around inside, there's a stillness. This stillness is here in this wilderness every evening. As the water calms down and the loons start calling, the best sunset of the week set in all its majestic pinks and oranges. It is a strong and peaceful feeling that cannot be put into words. 

Quetico Thoughts 3

* The next few blogs posts were written while I was in Quetico (a protected wilderness area in Canada). These are the thoughts and observations I made while there with my two brothers and dad. 

Image. Everyone has one and it says a lot about you. Over the past week I haven't seen myself except for a brief period of time each morning when I use an itty bitty mirror to put in my contacts. It's really quite strange actually. You don't realize how often you actually see yourself each day until all the mirrors are taken away. In the store I work at there are mirrors everywhere you turn, every time I go to the bathroom I'm guaranteed a mirror, when I get in my car there are mirrors, I walk into my bedroom and there's another mirror. It doesn't matter if I want to see myself or not, I will. I've gone six days now without seeing myself. I've noticed this has its pros and cons.

 

There was a time while I was still living in Minnesota that I came across a magazine picture in which the model was wearing a pair of bright red skinny jeans. I loved how although the jeans were bright and childlike the model was able to make them look classy and mature. My hunt for the perfect pair of red skinny jeans began. I scoured store after store hoping for that perfect pair in my price range. Then, one day just a few days before my birthday my mom walked into the house with the most beautiful pair of fire truck red skinny jeans. Then came the real problem. How was I going to wear them? Duluth,MN is a different culture, more patterned and simple. The styles and trends are all very practical. Red jeans were far from practical. Every time I wore them somebody would make a comment on them or give me an odd look. Many mornings I would get up, plan an outfit with those beautiful red pants, but quickly change into my basic blue jeans before leaving the house. It was on one of these mornings as I sat in front of my mirror repeatedly putting on the red jeans and then putting on the blue jeans that I finally found courage. In frustration with myself I put on those red skinny jeans and stormed out of the house. I marched down the main street of our little neighborhood, legs clad in bright red material on my way to babysitting. As I marched I kept thinking to myself, “you enjoy this style and it doesn't matter what anyone else around here thinks”.

 

Those red skinny jeans have long since been outgrown, but what I learned from them has always stuck with me. We all have an image. Some are obsessed with their image, while some could care less. Some are confident with their image, while others hate theirs. Some copyothers, while some create their own. No matter who we are though we all have one. I don't think our image should be obsessed over, but I do think it is something that should be taken care of. An image can say a lot about who you are. Are you confident, respectful, hardworking, reserved, outgoing? What those red skinny jeans taught me was that my image is a reflection of who I am on a deeper level.

 

A lot of times our image is carried out by how we dress, but that is only the tip of the iceberg. The way we carry ourselves, our view on health, the way we smile, how we chose to eat, or the tone in which we speak to others, they all create an image of who we are. An image that should be cared about, but not obsessed over. Mirrors are good they show us exactly who we are. They show both the flaws and the features of ourselves. They show the image of us. Sometimes though we need to walk away from the mirror. We need to take pause and exam the heart of our image. Are we being irresponsible, or rude, or condescending? What is our image portraying to the world? Is it one that serves others or serves self? Is it one that breaks down or builds up? This week away from the mirror has been one of looking more closely at the heart of my actions. And when I get back to the mirror I hope to see an improved image in that mirror.    

Quetico Thoughts 2

* The next few blogs posts were written while I was in Quetico (a protected wilderness area in Canada). These are the thoughts and observations I made while there with my two brothers and dad. 

We all have strengths and weaknesses. Put to the test both will become blatantly obvious. Yesterday we canoed 27 miles. By the time we were coming back it was late and darkness had sunk in, enveloping the shore line. Although exhaustion had taken over our muscles and moods, that wasn't what was getting to me. No, the worst part was the fact that I had no idea where we were going. I had to trust that everyone else could decipher the blackened shoreline and get us back safely to our base camp. If I had known exactly where we were going nothing could have stopped me; not the wind, cold, darkness, or distance. When that chair of control gets pulled out from underneath me, my tendency is to become defeated and angry. Last nights adventure was simply a picture of what my struggle has been all week. At the beginning of the week I could hardly enjoy anything. All of a sudden I was placed inside an environment where you have little control over anything. If the weather turns sour, you can't just run inside. There is no inside. You have to be prepared for it, rain gear is thrown on, dry items are thrown into a tent or water proof bag, and loose items are secured. If someone gets injured, rushing them to the ER is not an option. There is no rushing around here. Are you thirsty and hungry? Well you're in luck! It's called a water pump and fishing pole. You best be prepared to work for your needs. Want to check in on somebody, make sure they're doing ok? Surprise! You simply can't.  It's called the wilderness for a reason you know. Out here every situation is out of your control. Any and every situation can change on a dime. I panicked a little bit. What ifs crept up and consumed my mind and actions. I just wanted to leave, escape back into the normal world where I seem to think I have everything under control. On our same crazy 27 mile trek yesterday, there was about a two hour period where we were catching fish one after the next. It was exactly how you would picture an ideal fishing spot. Rapids bubbling into the lake, calm clear water, and a sky full of sunshine. At one point I even caught 7 small mouth bass in a row. I realized something a littler later, I had a blast! I enjoyed a moment in a foreign environment with complete carefree abandonment. It was than that I realized if I was going to worry about people and situations in the real world that I can't do or know anything about, than I was not going to enjoy this trip at all. When talking about letting go of control, people assume that you're telling them to just trust that everything is going to be ok. That is so far from the truth! Everything may not be ok. That's life. In all actuality, control is a figment of our imagination. When you let go of this illusion your not saying "Life is all rainbows and butterflies". No, what you are saying is, "Life is crazy and I can't pin it down. I can't control the situations that arise in life.  I can only control how I react and respond to these situations". It's really quite simple when you break it down. I have no control over what the weather decides to do today, but I do have control over how I respond to the weather. I have no control over what's going on back at home, but I do have control over my thoughts and concerns, which means I can let my worry go. So today I'm choosing to enjoy this hammock swinging in a gentle breeze, overlooking a gorgeous lake with no civilization ruining the beauty, while daydreaming of showers and toilets.

Quetico Thoughts 1

* The next few blogs posts were written while I was in Quetico (a protected wilderness area in Canada). These are the thoughts and observations I made while there with my two brothers and dad. 

Before coming here into this wilderness, I was talking to someone about who we are as people. We swapped observations we had each made about each other. I began to think about who I used to be and who I am today. I was confident going into the middle of nowhere. Confident about my future, about who I am, and about what others see in me. But here I am not even two full days into this trip and I'm sitting here wondering how strong am I really? As I write this I am lying in my one person tent surrounded by things that represent a person. T-shirts with logos that say this person has volunteered, run races, held a job....this person participated in life. A phone that has numbers, pictures, e-mails, and messages....all stating that this person is involved in others lives. Books, pens, a knitting project, and a notebook exclaim that this person has hobbies that play into their deep thinking side. All these representations and none of them matter out here. The t-shirts with their many logos have no point if nobody else is around to see them. A phone has no way to reach out to others if it has no service. Hobbies are no good unless you can share what you've learned and created with others. So here this person sits stripped of everything that makes this persons life a life. When the realization hits that the things we participate in in life are not who we are it can be a hard one to swallow. Because here I am, unable to show others who I am, not many are here. Unable to be apart of anything, I'm in the middle of nowhere. Unable to prove that I even exist, because for the week I don't in civilization. So where does that leave me? Who am I stripped of everything that says I am me? An old ratty stuffed animal, that has clearly been through a lot, sits atop my sleeping bag, representing a past, my past. Some say I'm crazy for still carry around the faded animal, but every time I see him sitting there I'm reminded of how far I've come by the grace of God. And when your reminded of how far you've come you're also reminded of who you are. All the things here show a picture of who I am, they are not my identity. Out here in the middle of nowhere it becomes blatantly clear that everything we do in the real world does not make us who we are it is simply an act of who we are and where we have come from. So yes, even out here, without the ability to join in the activities of everyday life, I am still Laura the strong, thoughtful, and sarcastic woman.