* The next few blogs posts were written while I was in Quetico (a protected wilderness area in Canada). These are the thoughts and observations I made while there with my two brothers and dad.
We all have strengths and weaknesses. Put to the test both will become blatantly obvious. Yesterday we canoed 27 miles. By the time we were coming back it was late and darkness had sunk in, enveloping the shore line. Although exhaustion had taken over our muscles and moods, that wasn't what was getting to me. No, the worst part was the fact that I had no idea where we were going. I had to trust that everyone else could decipher the blackened shoreline and get us back safely to our base camp. If I had known exactly where we were going nothing could have stopped me; not the wind, cold, darkness, or distance. When that chair of control gets pulled out from underneath me, my tendency is to become defeated and angry. Last nights adventure was simply a picture of what my struggle has been all week. At the beginning of the week I could hardly enjoy anything. All of a sudden I was placed inside an environment where you have little control over anything. If the weather turns sour, you can't just run inside. There is no inside. You have to be prepared for it, rain gear is thrown on, dry items are thrown into a tent or water proof bag, and loose items are secured. If someone gets injured, rushing them to the ER is not an option. There is no rushing around here. Are you thirsty and hungry? Well you're in luck! It's called a water pump and fishing pole. You best be prepared to work for your needs. Want to check in on somebody, make sure they're doing ok? Surprise! You simply can't. It's called the wilderness for a reason you know. Out here every situation is out of your control. Any and every situation can change on a dime. I panicked a little bit. What ifs crept up and consumed my mind and actions. I just wanted to leave, escape back into the normal world where I seem to think I have everything under control. On our same crazy 27 mile trek yesterday, there was about a two hour period where we were catching fish one after the next. It was exactly how you would picture an ideal fishing spot. Rapids bubbling into the lake, calm clear water, and a sky full of sunshine. At one point I even caught 7 small mouth bass in a row. I realized something a littler later, I had a blast! I enjoyed a moment in a foreign environment with complete carefree abandonment. It was than that I realized if I was going to worry about people and situations in the real world that I can't do or know anything about, than I was not going to enjoy this trip at all. When talking about letting go of control, people assume that you're telling them to just trust that everything is going to be ok. That is so far from the truth! Everything may not be ok. That's life. In all actuality, control is a figment of our imagination. When you let go of this illusion your not saying "Life is all rainbows and butterflies". No, what you are saying is, "Life is crazy and I can't pin it down. I can't control the situations that arise in life. I can only control how I react and respond to these situations". It's really quite simple when you break it down. I have no control over what the weather decides to do today, but I do have control over how I respond to the weather. I have no control over what's going on back at home, but I do have control over my thoughts and concerns, which means I can let my worry go. So today I'm choosing to enjoy this hammock swinging in a gentle breeze, overlooking a gorgeous lake with no civilization ruining the beauty, while daydreaming of showers and toilets.
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