Control

One thing that I have learned about myself this past year is that I am a controlling person. And I fully admit it because, I want to change that fact about myself. Not everyone is a controlling person so I will tell you what a controlling person does and why they do it. The controlling person does NOT like to feel out of control or like everything is falling apart. When this starts to happen the controlling person takes matters into his/her own hands. Meaning we will manipulate, actually tell people what they can and cannot do, and once that person thinks that what he thinks is right it is very hard to get him/her to listen or take in counsel that is actually very good.

In a nutshell that's about right. We like balance and if there is no balance we will do the total opposite just to bring balance to that situation. So guess what?! When you do the total opposite of what you think is causing a problem you end up being imbalanced yourself. Here's any example. Pretend we have a scale that is balanced and than all of a sudden somebody puts rocks in one side. What happens? One side goes up the other one goes down right? Ok so now pretend that those rocks are somebodies drama or something you do not agree with. What a controlling person tends to do is freak out that, that person is doing something "imbalanced" so they rush to fix that problem but, in or to fix it that have to meet that extreme with another extreme. Just to "balance" out the relationship or problem.

One thing I have learned recently and throughout the year as well, is that control is an illusion. We cannot control anybody. End of story. Control makes people feel safe and secure. Think about it if everything is in order and the way a person wants it, it makes one feel content and secure. If all of a sudden it happens that something goes awry, (and in life this does happen) controlling people and just people in general tend to freak out. Once we freak out we will try and fix that person or problem. For the past year or two I have been trying and trying to fix my life. Or should I say the people that are in my life.

But as I said before it is all an illusion. So what should we do to stop our lives from being an illusion that ends up destroying us as a person? We let it go! We only take responsibilities that are ours. If a person needs help we can help that person without dragging ourselves down. As long as we are helping that person and NOT making it our obsession. If it is constantly taking up our thoughts and we constantly feel like fixing it. We are probably controlling that person. And if we take a closer look at ourselves it can tend to be a selfish motive that is making us want to "help" that person.

I guess what I am trying to say is that we are human beings who are selfish plain and simple. We want things to be fine and dandy and if someone in our life all of a sudden messes that up we want to jump in and fix that person for our own benefit. So that WE will feel secure and happy again. Lets stop this madness and let go. Let us take upon ourselves our own responsibilities and leave others alone. If that persons choice affects us we need to learn how to be selfless and change with the change. Staying true to yourself if more important that controlling somebodies life, which in the end destroys your. Control is an illusion.

Music

Over the past year I know I have said thank you to allot of people for being there for me and standing by my side, through everything this past year. I could not have done it without them, but there is a part of all of us that can't always go to people for help. Some things just cannot be explained to people. You try but, nobody actually knows how you feel. I have come up against this problem time and time again this year where my pain was to great for words. There was no way I could explain it to God or people. Although I know that God knew exactly how I felt, we as people need to have a way to eventually release what we are feeling. It happens eventually one way or another.

One thing that I found that expressed how I was feeling was music. Most of the time not the lyrics in the song but, the music itself. I enjoy going to the symphony, the reason that I enjoy it so much is because, it doesn't have lyrics but, I can guarantee that each composer had a reason they wrote that particular piece. As I sit there in the dark listening to the glorious sound I think up reason why that certain composer decided to make that music. I make up stories for each of the pieces. Most of the time when the piece is over the director will tell you why that composer wrote that piece. I love it because, when I hear the composers story I know exactly how he feels about music. It's a way to express himself and how he feels about anything.

That's what I love about music, how you can play any feeling. This past year I have definitely retreated to music time and time again. About half time I listen to music and the other half is me playing music. When I sit down at the piano to play, I swear my very soul plays. I most definitely play for fun, but the most vivid memories of myself playing are when I am so broken I can't take it anymore. When I can't talk anymore because, I myself don't even know how to explain what is going on deep inside my soul. I sit there and I just play. Sometimes it is random, something I make up to match how I feel. Other times it is music that is already written, that just matches how I feel. As I play though I can't really explain it but, everything else seems to fade away it's just me, the music, and Jesus. I think he's one of the only people who truly understands exactly what we are expressing in our music.

While listening to music does not provoke the same feelings as playing does it still helps keep me sane and I love it because, it is still is describing how I feel. It feels like someone else knows how I feel. Like when somebody says to you, I know how you feel and you know they really truly do know how you feel. That's what listening to music does for me. Some people ask me what bands or type of bands are my favorite to listen to. Honestly I don't think I have one band I listen to more than any other. There is also not one type of music that takes the top as my favorite type. It honestly depends on my mood. I listen to everything. My Pandora account has every type of music and honestly I don't really think I listen to one more than another.

This year for Christmas I asked for a guitar. To me learning how to play the guitar won't be just learning how to play the guitar. It is almost like opening up my soul to a new chapter in life. I survived a dark year, now it is time to celebrate and learn how to play more music. Learn how to trust more. Learn how to live more. Learn how to fear less. Learn how to love more. I am actually ready and excited to tackle this new year ahead. Just like I am ready and excited to tackle this new feat of playing the guitar.

                                              "Where words fail, music speaks."
                                                         -Hans Christian Anderson
 
                                              "Music washes away from the soul,
                                               the dust of everyday life."
                                                                          -Red Auerbach
                                           
                                              "Music is what feelings sound like."
                                                                   -Author Unknown

                                              "Music is an outburst of the soul."
                                                                    -Frederick Delius

                                              "Music is what life sounds like."
                                                                         -Eric Olson
                                                     

21 Inches.

Ever since I was a little girl I have had long long hair. I have also grown up with a mom who loves to do long long hair. That meant sitting still in front of my mom countless times as she did my hair with ribbons, braids, barretts, scrunchies, and headbands. I loved it! My favorite hairstyle that she would do took the longest but, it looked the best in my opinion. She would french braid the top of my hair going right to the other side. It was kind of like a backwards half-up hair style. It was so unique and none of my friends ever had that hairstyle!

Now you would expect that with a mother that is into hair and fashion that I would pick up on some of that?! Right?! It took me till I was probably 10 to become interested in hair and fashion (matching my clothes...apparently you can't do red and pink...) I still remember to this day the day that I became really interested in hair I was at my friends house and we were playing with these Barbie dolls that had really long hair. Well she could braid it and I couldn't! I was so jealous that I had her teach me and than I had my mom teach me how to french braid. Which didn't work to well at first.

Once I understood the importance of hair I started thinking about how awful it would be to lose all my hair. Seriously guys my hair I love it sooo much that I think I would almost rather die of cancer than have to do chemo and lose my hair. Once I thought of that fear, I started thinking about all the girls that did have cancer and did lose all their hair. I don't exactly remember how it all happened but, me and my aunts decided to have a girls weekend and we went to the hair salon and I got my hair cut off to my ears. (It was originally at my butt) It was very very short and I had an ugly bob that you couldn't do anything with but, the thought that some girl could have waist length real hair made me happy.

Of course a few years later my hair was very long again and that was when I learned that a wig that is made out of real hair only last about 2-3 years if taken care of properly. So back to the hair salon I went. This time I made sure I didn't get it completely chopped off but, quite a bit still had to come off. For the past two years I have been growing it out once again. It is finally what I would say is long again! I measured it the other day and I have 21 inches of long lushes Swedish locks. I have a feeling that I'm going to get the urge to cut it off again before college...maybe....

 Of course it's not long enough for me yet but, it is most definitely getting there! Which is exciting. This time around I have done a few things differently to get my hair to grow faster. The first thing I did was move to GA, it is much more humid down here than in MN and I noticed that my hair does in fact grow much faster down here. It never grew slow before but, it never went THIS fast. The second thing that I do is I wash it less. I usually go about 3 or 4 days without washing it! Braids come in very handy on days three and four. Another thing I do is I blow dry it once every two weeks. Just once and that usually gives me about 4 or 5 days of no washing! Yay! That is good for your hair! The other times though I just let it dry on its own with mousse in it and it last usually about 3 days of no washing. The last thing that I do that seems to work like magic...is coconut oil. I love that stuff! I put it in my hair usually once or twice a month and the difference it makes in incredible! So below is the step by step and the products I use.

1) Move to a tropical location....I'm not gonna recommend GA. ;)

2) If you can't move to a tropical location....coconut oil!! You just need about a handful and massage it through your hair until it looks wet. Let it sit there for like 30 min. Than my least favorite part...wash it out with shampoo in cold water! :( I usually do this at night cus it doesn't all come out. I blow dry it till it is mostly dry. Than in the morning I wash my hair like normal dry is and bam you have the softest hair EVER!!

3) Wash your hair as little as possible!


4) Let your hair air dry! I have wavy hair so I put some mousse in it. It helps keep the frizz away and just gives it a beachy look. DON'T EVER TOUCH YOUR HAIR WELL IT IS DRYING!