Over the past year I know I have said thank you to allot of people for being there for me and standing by my side, through everything this past year. I could not have done it without them, but there is a part of all of us that can't always go to people for help. Some things just cannot be explained to people. You try but, nobody actually knows how you feel. I have come up against this problem time and time again this year where my pain was to great for words. There was no way I could explain it to God or people. Although I know that God knew exactly how I felt, we as people need to have a way to eventually release what we are feeling. It happens eventually one way or another.
One thing that I found that expressed how I was feeling was music. Most of the time not the lyrics in the song but, the music itself. I enjoy going to the symphony, the reason that I enjoy it so much is because, it doesn't have lyrics but, I can guarantee that each composer had a reason they wrote that particular piece. As I sit there in the dark listening to the glorious sound I think up reason why that certain composer decided to make that music. I make up stories for each of the pieces. Most of the time when the piece is over the director will tell you why that composer wrote that piece. I love it because, when I hear the composers story I know exactly how he feels about music. It's a way to express himself and how he feels about anything.
That's what I love about music, how you can play any feeling. This past year I have definitely retreated to music time and time again. About half time I listen to music and the other half is me playing music. When I sit down at the piano to play, I swear my very soul plays. I most definitely play for fun, but the most vivid memories of myself playing are when I am so broken I can't take it anymore. When I can't talk anymore because, I myself don't even know how to explain what is going on deep inside my soul. I sit there and I just play. Sometimes it is random, something I make up to match how I feel. Other times it is music that is already written, that just matches how I feel. As I play though I can't really explain it but, everything else seems to fade away it's just me, the music, and Jesus. I think he's one of the only people who truly understands exactly what we are expressing in our music.
While listening to music does not provoke the same feelings as playing does it still helps keep me sane and I love it because, it is still is describing how I feel. It feels like someone else knows how I feel. Like when somebody says to you, I know how you feel and you know they really truly do know how you feel. That's what listening to music does for me. Some people ask me what bands or type of bands are my favorite to listen to. Honestly I don't think I have one band I listen to more than any other. There is also not one type of music that takes the top as my favorite type. It honestly depends on my mood. I listen to everything. My Pandora account has every type of music and honestly I don't really think I listen to one more than another.
This year for Christmas I asked for a guitar. To me learning how to play the guitar won't be just learning how to play the guitar. It is almost like opening up my soul to a new chapter in life. I survived a dark year, now it is time to celebrate and learn how to play more music. Learn how to trust more. Learn how to live more. Learn how to fear less. Learn how to love more. I am actually ready and excited to tackle this new year ahead. Just like I am ready and excited to tackle this new feat of playing the guitar.
"Where words fail, music speaks."
-Hans Christian Anderson
"Music washes away from the soul,
the dust of everyday life."
-Red Auerbach
"Music is what feelings sound like."
-Author Unknown
"Music is an outburst of the soul."
-Frederick Delius
"Music is what life sounds like."
-Eric Olson
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